My yoga mat smells like spitup now,
And Savasana happened in the rocking chair,
But all is strengthened, and stretched, and aligned
Now, thanks to you.
How different life was,
Sixteen weeks ago.
I thought I had everything down
To a science.
Mother, lover, healer of hearts.
Then everything turned on its head,
Thanks to you.
What a powerful force such a small one can be
To ruin my muscles, my hormones, my roles.
The things that defined me are gone now,
Unrecognizably changed,
Thanks to you.
I think I believe that I know that one day
I might have it all straightened out
Just a little
And I'll approach the world with sureness
Again, thanks to you.
But for now, my daughter, we'll strive together.
Struggling, uncertain, overwhelmed and confused,
Strengthening, stretching, aligning again
All of it, thanks to you.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
To Esther, with love from Jessica
Dear Baby Girl,
I am just a few weeks from getting to meet you. Some moms say they feel such a personal connection to the baby during pregnancy but, although I must admit we share so much right now, there is still so much mystery to who you are, what you will look like, your personality. You are currently my most quiet child but I am sure you will gain in the competition when you can. Right now I am enjoying the fact that, within the boundaries of my uterus you cannot make noise or demands. I am not enjoying the painful jabs to my private area or the lack of mobility but, as with any relationship at any time there is give and take. I do look forward to having you in my arms and getting to know all the wonderfulness that is you.
That being said, I think there are a few things you should know about us as you enter the wonderful life of our family. If you haven't already figured it out, we are a pretty unique bunch. Since you have no idea what cliche is, I feel I can say with completely biased certainty that you have the best daddy ever. He is a bit of a bookworm and he will try to teach you sports as he watches them on TV. He will take you on walks and talk about space and science with you and also God. Get used to hearing all about God, precious girl, because your daddy is a pastor and that is what he does. It is what we do. This God thing, kinda important here. You'll see.
Just so you know, it may take some time for daddy to warm up to you. Sometimes you babies are.....well, a bit boring and needy at first. But, then, oh, then you get personality. You get fun and interesting. So we know, baby girl, that that side of you is waiting for us after we get past some of the hard stuff. We know and we can't wait!
You also have a pretty fun sister and brother waiting for you here. They love each other to pieces. They "sleep over" each other's rooms every night and, FYI, beds in this house are only things kids jump on. We will make an exception for you while you are still little but I’m sure as soon as you can, you will be camping out on the floor too and your daddy and I will peek in on you all before bed and smile at your sprawled out bodies and ask ourselves one more time, “Why do we have beds for them again?”
Your going to have to hold your own, little girl. Being a third child is going to be no easy task. Hannah is all ready to be your second mom and Malachi, though no longer threatening to throw you in the trash, is not likely to know how to give up youngest status. I will do my best, as your mother, to help you out but this is what you are being born into and nobody gets to chose their birth order, baby. We all have to learn to make do with what is given to us. There will be some fantastic things to being the baby. You will probably get a lot of attention from all of us, may even be spoiled a bit. But the down side to being the youngest, you will probably be wearing your sister's hand me downs most of your life. That really isn't so bad, though. I did it and survived and, honestly, a lot of your sister's clothing is not new either. You will get bossed around, babied, hurt because your the smallest trying to rough house with the biggers. You will want to go to things that Hannah and Malachi get to because they are older and you can’t because of your age. You will probably be told over and over to wait until someday later and someday later will seem so far away. And as soon as you get to someday later there will be a different someday later to wait for. Yeah, sometimes being the youngest will stink. I’m sorry for that and no matter who you try to blame it on, it is no ones fault. We will make the best of it. I will do my best to let you make choices and help teach your siblings to do the same rather than boss. I will kiss your boo-boos and remind the bigger ones to be more gentle and then send you right back into the ring with them (cause let’s face it, you will need to toughen up). And while you wait for the someday’s we can think of ways to enjoy our now’s.
You will be my baby but I will do everything I can to try not to get so sentimental about it that I try to keep you a baby. No, little girl, you have to grow up. And as I pack away baby clothes for the last time and sigh at their little-ness and look at your getting-so-big-ness, I will remind myself of the wonderful gift it is to see you grow and all the new things that await. You have to grow up and it is going to be so much fun to watch that happen. I pray that somehow, despite all my parenting flaws, you become an amazing and strong woman of God.
Speaking of flaws, there is one thing I need to admit before we start this whole new journey together: of all the things I can teach and know how to handle as a parent, I am horrible at "potty training". Just so you know ahead of time, I hate it. I don't hate you and I don't blame you but I just purely despise potty training. I have read, sought advice, and tried techniques but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it, there is a lot of pee and poo involved no matter how well you train and I find it quite gross. I seriously try, little girl, not to be bothered by it all but I think dealing with the grossness kills my brain cells. I literally have to try to turn off the thinking parts of my brain just to get through cleaning my own child's feces sometimes. Please don't hold this against me. I am letting you know in advance and when we get to the point where everyone in this house takes care of their excrement, you all will have probably forgotten how horrible I was about it to begin with. I will do my best not to scar you during this time in your life, please do your best to help me stay sane (and leave me some brain cells).
As I wrap up this letter to you I am just overwhelmed with the idea that you will be here soon (and seriously, this is one more to-do I can cross off the list before you arrive). And I can't wait to come back to this letter and read through it again during the hard parts of being your mommy and remind myself of the excitement that comes before I have seen you face to face and the miracle of mystery revealed. You are currently my advent; the gift waiting under the Christmas tree, wrapped and so full of potential. We are about to start an amazing, tough, wonder-filled, never before seen from your lens, journey together. Let's go, I'm ready!
Love,
Mommy
I am just a few weeks from getting to meet you. Some moms say they feel such a personal connection to the baby during pregnancy but, although I must admit we share so much right now, there is still so much mystery to who you are, what you will look like, your personality. You are currently my most quiet child but I am sure you will gain in the competition when you can. Right now I am enjoying the fact that, within the boundaries of my uterus you cannot make noise or demands. I am not enjoying the painful jabs to my private area or the lack of mobility but, as with any relationship at any time there is give and take. I do look forward to having you in my arms and getting to know all the wonderfulness that is you.
That being said, I think there are a few things you should know about us as you enter the wonderful life of our family. If you haven't already figured it out, we are a pretty unique bunch. Since you have no idea what cliche is, I feel I can say with completely biased certainty that you have the best daddy ever. He is a bit of a bookworm and he will try to teach you sports as he watches them on TV. He will take you on walks and talk about space and science with you and also God. Get used to hearing all about God, precious girl, because your daddy is a pastor and that is what he does. It is what we do. This God thing, kinda important here. You'll see.
Just so you know, it may take some time for daddy to warm up to you. Sometimes you babies are.....well, a bit boring and needy at first. But, then, oh, then you get personality. You get fun and interesting. So we know, baby girl, that that side of you is waiting for us after we get past some of the hard stuff. We know and we can't wait!
You also have a pretty fun sister and brother waiting for you here. They love each other to pieces. They "sleep over" each other's rooms every night and, FYI, beds in this house are only things kids jump on. We will make an exception for you while you are still little but I’m sure as soon as you can, you will be camping out on the floor too and your daddy and I will peek in on you all before bed and smile at your sprawled out bodies and ask ourselves one more time, “Why do we have beds for them again?”
Your going to have to hold your own, little girl. Being a third child is going to be no easy task. Hannah is all ready to be your second mom and Malachi, though no longer threatening to throw you in the trash, is not likely to know how to give up youngest status. I will do my best, as your mother, to help you out but this is what you are being born into and nobody gets to chose their birth order, baby. We all have to learn to make do with what is given to us. There will be some fantastic things to being the baby. You will probably get a lot of attention from all of us, may even be spoiled a bit. But the down side to being the youngest, you will probably be wearing your sister's hand me downs most of your life. That really isn't so bad, though. I did it and survived and, honestly, a lot of your sister's clothing is not new either. You will get bossed around, babied, hurt because your the smallest trying to rough house with the biggers. You will want to go to things that Hannah and Malachi get to because they are older and you can’t because of your age. You will probably be told over and over to wait until someday later and someday later will seem so far away. And as soon as you get to someday later there will be a different someday later to wait for. Yeah, sometimes being the youngest will stink. I’m sorry for that and no matter who you try to blame it on, it is no ones fault. We will make the best of it. I will do my best to let you make choices and help teach your siblings to do the same rather than boss. I will kiss your boo-boos and remind the bigger ones to be more gentle and then send you right back into the ring with them (cause let’s face it, you will need to toughen up). And while you wait for the someday’s we can think of ways to enjoy our now’s.
You will be my baby but I will do everything I can to try not to get so sentimental about it that I try to keep you a baby. No, little girl, you have to grow up. And as I pack away baby clothes for the last time and sigh at their little-ness and look at your getting-so-big-ness, I will remind myself of the wonderful gift it is to see you grow and all the new things that await. You have to grow up and it is going to be so much fun to watch that happen. I pray that somehow, despite all my parenting flaws, you become an amazing and strong woman of God.
Speaking of flaws, there is one thing I need to admit before we start this whole new journey together: of all the things I can teach and know how to handle as a parent, I am horrible at "potty training". Just so you know ahead of time, I hate it. I don't hate you and I don't blame you but I just purely despise potty training. I have read, sought advice, and tried techniques but when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it, there is a lot of pee and poo involved no matter how well you train and I find it quite gross. I seriously try, little girl, not to be bothered by it all but I think dealing with the grossness kills my brain cells. I literally have to try to turn off the thinking parts of my brain just to get through cleaning my own child's feces sometimes. Please don't hold this against me. I am letting you know in advance and when we get to the point where everyone in this house takes care of their excrement, you all will have probably forgotten how horrible I was about it to begin with. I will do my best not to scar you during this time in your life, please do your best to help me stay sane (and leave me some brain cells).
As I wrap up this letter to you I am just overwhelmed with the idea that you will be here soon (and seriously, this is one more to-do I can cross off the list before you arrive). And I can't wait to come back to this letter and read through it again during the hard parts of being your mommy and remind myself of the excitement that comes before I have seen you face to face and the miracle of mystery revealed. You are currently my advent; the gift waiting under the Christmas tree, wrapped and so full of potential. We are about to start an amazing, tough, wonder-filled, never before seen from your lens, journey together. Let's go, I'm ready!
Love,
Mommy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)